Category: dispair


Can’t equate it in my head.

Filed under: Abuse, Adoption story, Children, dispair, family, Poetry — 11 Comments
May 12, 2011


MY mother told me
something the other day
I have to admit,
It blew me away.









I've been processing it
for days
Trying to find a way
to equate it in my mind








We all know there is a difference
in the levels of wrong
stealing bread to feed your kids
Stealing for profit and to get away 
with it.







Now you are probably going to think
that I have been dumb
but what I was told
 has made me numb.







This is what She said to me
"I can't believe you were raped
when you were three!"
"Their counselor told them to ignore it
and just let it be!"






I had only known
I was molested before,
so what I had been told
rocked me to the floor.







Then to push me out their door?
say I was bad
and I can't live there no more?







For days now
that new knowledge 
will not let me be.
It's been so hard 
to even sleep.






I should have realized this
years before
but there's a DIFFERENCE in wrongness
as I stated before!





how could I have been so dumb?
why does this 
make me so numb?





Yes I had been raped through out the years
but at the age of three?
how can that 
even be?





MY mother told me
something the other day
I have to admit,
It blew me away.





I can't seem to get it out of my head
I can't seem to find my footing
With all of this.





Trying to find a way
to equate it in my mind
I just can't seem
to make the knowledge 
stay in line.
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My fear is total

Filed under: dispair, fright, Nature, phobia, Poetry, poetry challange, terror — 21 Comments
April 29, 2011

 

 

I wish I could describe the gut wrenching terror

That I feel Right now.

The nausea,

The sweat acroos my brow.

 

 

I can stare down knives

stare down tormado’s

One snake by my door

and it’s endless horror.

 

 

I’m sitting here shaking

the screaming has finally stopped

curled up in a ball

staring at my laptop

 

 

my fear is total

it’s out of control

it has compleatly

filled up my soul.

 

 

Phobia’s are pointless

but they are there

if I could control them

they wouldn’t be there.

 

 

A four foot snake by my ankle

has me frozen in fright

i couldn’t even move

ee ven if it tried to bite.

 

 

I’m not sure

how I made through the door

I think the heavons saved me

for thank I so do thank.

 

 

My fingers are still shaking

i’m holding my bear

I don’t know what to say

‘sept the fear is still there.

 

 

For this I have no answer

on how to stop the pain

this kind of fear is total

it has no name.

 

 

Please forgive me

as i go slightly insane.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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