Category: thoughts


Why didn’t anyone believe me
I tried everything
It took 11years to discover I needed the cdc.

Now will they help me before its to late
I always knew I was born for something great.
Hopefully its to help others escape my fate.

What doctors take it all in?
Reach for unknown territories
To take a new spin.

No office I have ever been in.
The last time I got on my knees
And begged pretty please
All I got was “you need a shrink, not me”

‘But here look! Physical proof!’
“That is impossible”
He stated quite aloof.

It is killing me
Can’t you see?
Stop wondering why you can’t figure me out
And the diagnoises keep changing about.

I’m getting so tired
I can’t even think.
And the pain is now so bad Ive started to drink.

__________

March of this year
With thundering cheers
Obama qouted Albert.

Insanity is doing it over & over
Looking for another result
Say that! To those that hurt.

For 11years
Amongst tons of jeers
From those I dearly love

I have tried and failed
To break the spell
In images, in prove withheld.

But finally persanal justice I’ve gained
Amongst, the blood, tears & pain
All it took was a camera phone
To pick up the truth I have known

Do I even still have it in me?
To continue to fight?
I pray I do with all my might.

I’ve lost my sight
For days in one eye
My hair gone for months no lie

That really made me cry
Nails fell off in bleeding pools
Whispering that the doctors are all such fools.

Sores all over
People stop and stare
Yes I care!

Can’t be hot or cold
And it all gets old
When I hear
“That’s a druggie right there”

Can’t breathe
Can’t eat
Pooing is a special treat

I won’t even mention my brain or heart
Better to not even start
Beliving I’m coming apart.

_______

I will tell you what has done me in
Mans alternitive to the asbestos sin.
Their 180 rats can not be wrong

If people get hurt the fibers don’t stay long!
Well yes workers bring them home
But the threat to the family naw, old song.

What? Fiberglass in your skin?
Try to find out more about it
Resources are thin!

( a secret I realized after 11years?
Universities have those special hidden links
To share among their peers)

Finally armed with truth and ammo
Sleep takes ahold again.
WHAMO!

My family? Well their sick now too
My eldest hasn’t even been home
In over a year or two.

______

A special warning
I now do impart
Don’t be like me
And get a head start.

New carpet, carliners
Insallation too, brakepads
Ac pads the liners too.

When fresh its unsettled
And you breathe it right in
And that rash or little sore on your skin?
Its another way in.

They sparkle in dark when light hits just right
And heat, electronics? Fiberglass delight.
Many kinds and flavors
Just look at your rake

Did your skin burn when you grabbed it?
Its not to late.
Get to your sink and in circular motion
Wash ur hand in normal temp rate.

Throw away the towel
Never use it again
They are just waiting there
Ready to go back in.

I tell you all this to please take head.
For I truly think
It may be to late for me.

Luna is waning
Hoping for a way
To shine bright again.
__________

image

Ten minutes in the heat.

My head the next day.

image

Fingers

My eye.

Forearm 1st day

2nd

Than 3rd day

Nothing to help the pain go away.

Smaller ones one hour in my van

 

CAN YOU NOW MAYBE UNDERSTAND?

its my whole body. every single inch

they spring out like someone used a wench.

 

All because someone hit me driving my brandnew car.

No miles on it but 2 and I didn’t get all that far.

Its taken weeks but this poem is finally finished
Getting online long, makes me to diminished.

Love to all
I miss your bright lights
Your poetry helped me continue
Till thiss very night.

Love,
Luna

The reason I started this blog was to show that you can go through the worst things in the world and still come out okay.

I have NEVER thought of myself as a victim. Just someone that ALOT of bad things have happened within my life. Each thing making me more and more Happy to BE alive and appreciate things like the bird that landed on my shoulder and sang to me when I was camping in the forest, or the sunset that sets the sky ablaze. My daughters laugh, a roaring bonfire that lights up the night,singing in the rain, and life.

 

In my life I have seen So many people think their life is over because they experienced JUST ONE of the many things that I have survived.

I thought if just ONE PERSON can read what I’ve been through and realize that they too are gonna make it, than my life has had meaning .  I have lived a good life.

I know I have accomplished that from my book.

_____________________________________________________

Trying to write my feeling out these past months as I cared for my mother was very painful but the thought always this one thought, (What if someone right now feels this way too?) Kept me writing.

July I was averaging 20 hours sleep a week

Aug. 10 hours.

It wasn’t just losing my mother, it was:

1. Losing the woman who when she first looked at me knew I was hers at 2 days old and Finally, 4yrs later, taking me home.

2. Losing the woman who put a broken girl back together and understood my need to always Be GOOD.

3. Having Her side of my family disown me while she was dying because they couldn’t understand why I could not honor her dying request.

4. Breaking my arm than having a family member severely sprain the other.

5. Having my treasured possessions smashed all over my home.

AND ALL OF THIS OCCURRING WHILE I HAD NOT SEEN MY HUSBAND IN 2 MONTHS, and with no sleep.

I feel like I had every right to crack up a little. To feel lost, betrayed, and alone. The most heartbreaking thing in all of it was I had lost my ability to write. THAT had me terrified to my core. But i knew if only i could just let go than it would come but i was afraid i could not.

 

So what happened this weekend was indeed terrifying and painful, and I’ve only been out of the hospital for 6hours now… let me tell you the good that came of this.

1. This woman now has 1 deed on record of her nature and if ANYONE ELSE has the courage to come forward in the future or past, She will not be able to hurt anyone else again!

2. It broke through my shell and I CAN WRITE AGAIN!

3. They found a tumor in my lung that would have gone unnoticed for who knows how long ,but found because they needed to know how badly I was bleeding internally.

4. Reminded me of the little things to be grateful for.

5. Maybe now I can help someone else in the future over similar.

I may expect people to be nice, and kind, I may trust first than guard later, But if I didn’t I would never find the gifts that I see daily. I may get hurt because of it, but I wouldn’t know how to change the Pollyanna in me even if I could. I need my faith in man whether it be a false faith or not, I truly believe We, mankind are GOOD.

 

 

_____________________________________

Now here are my questions:

Should I stay or should I go?

Should I continue writing here in the hope that someone will be helped?

  Or shut it down because all you see is a victim?

Let me know, Please…

 

Thank you, blessings,

       ~Luna