received the worst of news
yesterday
her bowels are partially blocked
i’m still in shock.
counts are through the roof
they are going to try something new
its the last thing they can try
i am terrified.
there is a chance
this one will shut her system down
no warning
doc said with a frown.
we all know she is dying
and there isn’t much time
but that doesn’t change me being frightened
or terrified.
what if i don’t get a chance to say goodbye?
don’t tell me to grow a pair
i knew this has been coming
so stop the damn tears.
i’ve heard that 2 times already
it doesn’t help my fears.
I DONT CARE that i’m adopted
she is MY MOM understand?
she is also the closest friend
i’ve ever had.
i am so scared
and feel so alone
when the doc confides
that SHE is scared
it terrifies me
to the the bone.
gotta go blow my nose
again
i wonder when my sobbing will end
I hate cancer.








