received the worst of news

yesterday

her bowels are partially blocked

i’m still in shock.

counts are through the roof

they are going to try something new

its the last thing they can try

i am terrified.

there is a chance

this one will shut her system down

no warning

doc said with a frown.

we all know she is dying

and there isn’t much time

but that doesn’t change me being frightened

or terrified.

what if i don’t get a chance to say goodbye?

don’t tell me to grow a pair

i knew this has been coming

so stop the damn tears.

i’ve heard that 2 times already

it doesn’t help my fears.

I DONT CARE that i’m adopted

she is MY MOM understand?

she is also the closest friend

i’ve ever had.

i am so scared

and feel so alone

when the doc confides

that SHE is scared

it terrifies me

to the the bone.

gotta go blow my nose

again

i wonder when my sobbing will end

I hate cancer.